Saturday, July 28, 2012

Finally receivied my mothers Ashes yesterday...

So after a week long fight with my Aunt about not giving me my mothers ashes. My aunt finally gave in. It took me contacting her daughter and asking her if she would let her mother know how disturbed she would feel if someone was keeping her mother's ashes form her.
My aunt said she was going to hold onto them until she was done grieving, and because we (her children) hadn't planned on scattering her ashes yet, and that she could do what she wanted because also she paid for the cremation. (she didn't pay for it, I found out my grandfather did) She was nothing but cold to me, and she could clearly see I was not dealing with the death of my mother well. My Aunt made me violently ill. My Aunt has always been very self righteous and has caused issues in my family. But In death I thought we could all come together and be at peace and help each other out. If she thinks now after her actions,my relationship with her will be any better, I just don't think that will happen, I just don't know. I will still send her the invitation to come to mom's scattering. I am not cold at heart and I do care.
I just can't believe in times of death, that people can act like this. Just be peaceful and help each other out. It is that simple. There doesn't always have to be drama.
My Aunt even told me it must be a generational thing, because she was "able to put on her happy face and still go to work, and I should too" Well I couldn't and I wouldn't be able to even begin getting on with my days until my mother was out of Iowa, where she never wanted to end up, and my mother would not be happy to know she was stuck in her sister's house. It's safe to say they had a Love/Hate relationship. I was not going to rest until my mother's ashes were sent to California.

My mother wanted her ashes spread at the mouth of the Russian river where it meets the pacific ocean. This place holds a great space for the last time we ever spent together in California.
It is a beautiful place, It is the last beach we ever sat on together.


Once my mother's ashes arrived yesterday, I started to feel a weight lift off of me. I had a good cry, but I feel like I can begin to heal in some way now. It is very comforting having her here with me (I know it is just her ashes, and that she will always be with me) she is just where she wanted to be right now.
Now to plan when my Brother & my half sisters (If they want) can make it out at the same time so we can honor mom's last wishes.
I don't want to have to hold onto her ashes for a long time, I want to honor her wishes.




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