Friday, November 16, 2012

Just a hypnotic rainy night...

    It is a warm rainy night, I am siting on the couch reading "Cleopatra-A life" by Stacy Schiff

being transported to another time. The rain became louder and I just closed my eyes,put my book on the coffee table and was hypnotically taken over. I laid on the couch for 30 minutes just listening to the rain until I was interrupted by my dog nudging me. It was time for his evening walk to pee. For those 30 minutes I felt so relaxed, all encompassed by this overwhelming feeling of peace. It has been months since I have felt that.
 I got up took the dog out to pee. He loves to play in the rain. We stayed out to long. I need to play in the rain more. Seriously It felt so good.
I came back inside and decide not to pick my book back up, but to turn some music on and write a short blog.
I turned on Amanda Palmer's latest album "Theatre is Evil". It is the perfect rainy night album. The songs "Grown man Cry" and "Bottomfeeder" is killing me right now with the sound of the pounding rain on top of these amazing songs!
I have been really sad lately and I have been writing in my journal but haven't had the guts to write anything for this blog. I have been keeping busy doing everyday things. But I have been painting alot more. Painting makes me happy and is great stress relief for me. I feel a great release of stored up energy and emotions when I put something on canvas. I recently made a piece for Bruce. It was my interpretation of the Pink Floyd "Dark Side of the Moon" album cover.
I really like the way it turned out. It is a good size 16x20. He really likes it,and keeps saying..."I better paint more, you are better at it than I ever thought you where". Thanks Bruce! :)
So I will paint more, I haven't started anything new since last week, Thanksgiving is coming up and I have been practicing a few pie recipes, and getting everything ready because I am cooking for 8 people this year. I am looking forward to the distraction and I get so much enjoyment out of cooking and it is nice that this year I have my hubby's family to cook for. I love my husband's family. I am really lucky. They are amazing people. And they are lucky I am a great cook! It will just be nice to have a no thrills, no fighting, stress free Thanksgiving, very much unlike the thanksgiving I had as a child. I cook every year. The past 11 years especially since Bruce and the kids came into my life.

My Birthday is next week too, I am not sure how I feel about it. Kinda sad,trying not to dwell on it...because it is not all about me. Somedays I just want to be alone and cry. One good thing I can fake being ok very well. I am ok... noone should be worried about me. I am just a sad grieving girl working through alot of things in her mind. I have alot to keep me busy which is good because I can not dwell on my shit for too long. I listen too alot of music and that is my therapy.
 So there I wrote a short blog. Maybe I will feel like sharing more soon. For now I hope everyone has an amazing Thanksgiving and don't worry about what you have, or that you are not having the Norman Rockwell pictured Thanksgiving and you feel your life is shit. all will be ok!

Be thankful for what little you do have. Whatever it is. I hope you can find the joy in every little thing. Life is to fucking short. Time is fleeting for us all.

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